So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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