he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
