ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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