I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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