I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
