So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
