You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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