They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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