drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
