Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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