I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
