its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
