A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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