She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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