his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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