sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So apparently I’m into choking now
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