everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my being single is dangerous.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
