Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
