i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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