...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
