literally had 100 drinks last night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
