ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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