took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
