im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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