the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
