Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
