he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
