Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
