before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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