Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
