You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can't special order awesome
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
