Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
