You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
