Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
