After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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