Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
