remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
