Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
