He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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