I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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