remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
