Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
