My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
