dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
