I like to think it a success when the cops are called
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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