I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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