a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
