The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
