Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
