Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
