I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
