Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
