He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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