Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i think my cat just said my name.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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