tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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