then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
