The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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