Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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