Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
