champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
