Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
