my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
