a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
