I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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