ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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