He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
