Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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