i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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