it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
