fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
