I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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