R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have fence marks all over my body
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
