Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
