The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Mom said you looked used
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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