so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
no you cant smoke seaweed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
