no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
