You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
