my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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