Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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