I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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