Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
