I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
