just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
