My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
