i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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