Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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