Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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